Finding My Peace

This post is for the people like me who lack support from those they love the most. It would appear that most others have a supportive network of people that they can count on to be there no matter what life may bring, but I'm not one of those people. I have always found myself alone not having others to share my moments of victory or to lean on during difficulties. It does seem strange. However, the good news is that due to lack of people support I have evolved into a highly independent self-supporting individual. I don't need anyone ever. The sense of freedom I'm given from not desiring the company of others is tremendous. It enables me to create each day in a way that brings great peace without the need to ask permission from anyone. I can spend the entire day working in my yard if I so choose without having to stop for interruptions. I can become consumed by the peace I find from standing on the earth and nurturing my plants and grasses in my lawn. Aging certainly has its benefits. The power that I used to give others has changed totally. I love me despite their treatment. I am no longer sent into a downward spiral due to their arrogant disapproval or unfair reactions. I no longer look to others for validation. I now encourage and tell myself what I always wanted to hear from others, and these words are so much more meaningful. I have become my own best friend. A friend who is always present. Ever ready to lend a helping hand. Counting on and connecting with others is completely overrated.

I am one who believes that our lives are scripted. I also believe that before we arrived in our current bodies, we agreed through coercive measures with other dimensional beings to play a particular part in this theatre of humanity for as of yet unknown reasons. I believe after many years of study that I was never intended to be surrounded by supportive people. The script for my life was written with the intension of me learning to survive in this realm without others, and I find myself to be accomplishing the purpose more as the years are passing. I had parents who taught me to stand on my own two feet. They seldom took part in my life, but I hold nothing against them. I do believe they were simply following the script for their part in my life. I also had 3 brothers who to this day have made me feel like an outcast. I was considered crazy in their opinions and was never invited to their annual "bro's trips." To their male chauvinist mentalities, I wasn't worth consideration. I also married a man very similar to my brothers who offered me very little support and then after we divorced did everything possible to destroy the little amount of self-worth I held. However, I still stand. Lastly, and the most painful of all is that my three children fall into their similarly scripted roles perfectly. They are distant and view me as unimportant. In the few times I have asked for assistance they were always too busy. Nevertheless, my life has evolved into a place of peace and harmony within my own being void of needing acceptance from those most would consider necessary. I have learned in my 62-year journey that most people only "love" you when they need something from you. Sadly, once your purpose in their lives is fulfilled, they are done with you tossing you aside like the garbage. I'm so thankful I no longer care about what anyone else thinks and am not in a position to be fearful of losing someone that I depend upon. My opinion of the person I am becoming is paramount to me, and I love who I am despite my imperfections. The best part is that I'm learning to allow myself to be transformed into the best version possible, and nurturing myself is a huge part of the strenuous process.